How Do You Approach People You’re Dating About Guns?

I think either Bloomberg’s people, Soros’ people, or the White House, possibly all three, must be pushing women’s magazines to do pieces to turn women off of guns. Probably because despite their machinations, they know the trend is real, and it will doom them if it continues. Cosmo is the latest women’s mag to come out with an article to shame male gun owners, and presumably the women who date them.

Ah, if only the big GOP donors had paid attention to a wise blogger who keeps telling them to spend their money buying up women’s magazines instead of flushing their coin down crappy candidates. But I digress.

Looking at the things from the perspective of 42, I’d dump them. But I have some sympathy that in your 20s, you might do foolish things for a chance to get laid. We’ve all been there. I dated a few women who were not all that comfortable with firearms, though most of them respected me enough to know I would be responsible with them, and they were kind of OK. Even so, I ended up settling down with someone who was enthusiastic about the subject.

For those young guys out there, if a woman you’re dating ever expresses reservations about your use and ownership of firearms, because she’s worried you might snap and shoot her, dump her forthwith, because she does not respect you. I’m amazed anyone would date someone they fear might shoot them. That’s a troubled individual right there, and you’re better off alone, or with a woman of higher quality.

The “no guns in the home with kids” is pretty common, I had a few that were firm on that, but even that also presupposes you’re a fool who doesn’t know or understand how to store a firearm safely and responsibly. If a little education can’t cure that fear, dump her forthwith, for she does not respect you.

I also think it’s incumbent for women who are coming into this issue to speak out to other women about stuff like this. Notice that Cosmo found guys that can’t articulate their philosophy. They look shamed. While the women look confident and sure of their belief. This article is very anti-male, in addition to anti-gun.

41 thoughts on “How Do You Approach People You’re Dating About Guns?”

  1. And what most of these young men unfortunately probably does not understand is that if they were firm in their beliefs – i.e. let her know that “there will always be a gun in my home, therefore, if you choose to not have one, your home won’t include me.”, then the woman would drop the subject (unless they worked for the Joyce foundation). It is the same thing regarding motorcycles, sports, etc. If you are thinking of having a long-term relationship with a woman who tries to get you to give up a part of what makes you you, what you fail to grasp is that she won’t respect you if you cave in to her demands.

    1. Yes. I think this is all just a sh*t test. I was in the Marines and owned guns pretty early on. I don’t remember anti-gun girls in my dating days, but they would have been met with laughter and absolute refusal.

    2. Ahhh, Jim, I’ve had too many gun-owning friends tell me differently… that the woman who shut up about guns long enough to get married sooner or later comes back and nags, nags, nags, until something bad breaks one way or the other. Unless they are enthusiastically converted and obviously so it is just not worth it in the long run to continue the relationship (if you want to keep either your guns or the relationship, that is.)

      1. As Bram so eloquently alluded to above, men need to learn how to recognize and crush sh*t tests.

  2. If someone isn’t willing to even go to the gun range and try it out under carefully controlled conditions, it’s indicative IMO of a larger problem with bias/prejudice and worthy of dropping the relationship. talking about George and Maggie…dating 1.5 years??

    FWIW, my (now) wife and I started out as a date to the gun club, after which she got “into shooting” and eventually got her NRA RSO cert so she could help out at a local academy. So I guess as a man, I’m baffled why you would stay with a woman who was so far removed from you not only politically, but on the emotional maturity scale.

    1. It never even occurred to me that this could be an issue in an adult relationship. Not one woman I ever dated ever even mentioned it. But then I grew up in a culture with guns everywhere. All of the girls/women i ever dated grew up in homes with guns. If any woman ever pushes the issue, it is clear we are not compatible and she is going to have to make a choice.

  3. My first date with my wife was to a shooting range. She’d never shot a gun before and I had a HUGE crush and wanted to make sure guns were a go. Now she carries daily, in addition to being married to me.

  4. Back in college when I was much more liberal I had a serious girlfriend I was considering moving in with who made the statement “I’ll never live in a home with a gun in it” and in discussions about self defense actually said (I know this is hard to believe) that she believed it would be better to survive a rape than endanger your life by having a gun and trying to defend yourself.

    Even though I wasn’t particularly pro-gun at the time I owned a handgun I’d inherited from my grandfather, so I just shrugged and said I’d never live in a home without a gun so long as they were legal and it would be my home too.

    That ended the discussion, but it was clear she decided not to take a stand, effectively accepting it. Things didn’t work out with her, but not over that.

    These young women in the video are not yet in a live-in relationship and there’s little point in politically debating with them. The only question is — and it’s the same one about snoring, stealing the covers, not putting down the toilet seat, whatever bad habit or trait — is is this guy worth it? If you aren’t, then you’ll find something to break up over anyway.

    1. Bingo! Women want men with spine. If she is the kind of women who gives out such ultimatums, you are a fool to think that agreeing to any of them will quench the thirst. Deep down, every time you cave, she loses respect for you.

  5. In my late teens/early 20s, I expressed an interest in purchasing a gun to my then-girlfriend (at the time, I did not own a firearm). Her response was, approximately, “I won’t live in a house with a gun.”

    That relationship didn’t last.

    As far as I know, she’s still sticking to that, *mumble-mumble* years later, and has become a particular enigma we commonly encounter: a person with a Jewish background and family, familiar with the events of the Holocaust, who nevertheless refuses to see or acknowledge the value of defensive firearms.

    Thankfully, the woman who would become my wife was infinitely more supportive, and appreciates having guns around for fun, sport, and home and family defense.

    1. As a pro-gun Jew, let me tell you that there are no shortages of collectivist anti-gun Jews.

      1. And by contrast, my wife is a pro-gun, liberty-oriented Jew.

        When we were dating and it was getting serious, I told her I had something to show her and threw open the door to the closet where the guns were stored. I asked her if she had a problem with guns and, by the way, there is a loaded .45 next to the bed.

        That question was followed by “If you do have a problem with this, we either need to work it out now or stop seeing each other because I’m not getting rid of my guns.”.

        Her first husband was a cop and kept guns. It wasn’t an issue. While she’s not an active shooter, she knows firearms safety, knows where the guns are and knows how to use them. She’s starting to claim some of my guns as “hers” so slow progress is being made. I don’t think she’ll ever be an avid shooter but she has no issue with guns which is enough for me.

        Her mother falls into the classical anti-gun Jewish liberal stance. We’ve had some *fun* conversations.

        Get it out of the way early because a fundamental disagreement over firearms ownership does not improve with time.

        1. Mine’s dad taught me how to hunt and introduced me to the wonderful world of firearms. There are plenty of us liberty loving Jews out there.

  6. When my friend (HappyWarrior6) was thinking of introducing me to my now wife, one of the first questions he asked her before he would do it was “Do you like guns?”. She said “Oh yeah!” Obviously I married her.

    I’ve had girlfriends in the past that weren’t entirely comfortable with them, but I made it clear that the guns were staying. One would probably have left me if I actually ever had to shoot somebody. That relationship didn’t last (though not for a gun reason).

    I always had a plan for when I was dating. By the third date if it was going well, and it hadn’t come up sooner, I’d let the girl know about my guns. If she didn’t like them, I’d move on. Otherwise I’d continue.

    There is no sense in letting a woman change something so significant about yourself, when there are plenty of women out there who wouldn’t.

    1. And we’re glad it worked out for you guys! I absolutely knew that had to be a question in the vetting process. ;)

      I’d like to think that I had it all together in my 20s when I was dating with regard to beliefs about guns and politics. None of the gals I dated were expressly opposed to guns in general, including the ones living in the DC metro area, surprisingly. As a guy with firm beliefs on politics and religion, I always had the concern that I would find myself with someone who couldn’t think for herself and get drawn into the hype… a “trojan horse” type of situation.

      Thankfully the gal I married was greatly intrigued by my gun collection and had a family that was actually quite supportive of firearms ownership after all! Coming from the Philly suburbs, she just didn’t “grow up with a gun culture”, but then again neither did I having grown up in York and Lancaster!

    2. When we were dating, my better half said “you can have as many guns as you want.” Don’t think she quite understood what that meant but still, it was, and is, awesome.

  7. I wouldn’t know. I don’t date. I’m not part of the conservative “culture” either. Honestly I’m not sure why it would ever come up.

  8. When I started dating after separating from my wife I put gun in my online dating profiles. If they were anti-gun I didn’t even want to meet them. It worked out well for me. Barb is good around guns. She now has a CPL as well as an ATF explosives handlers permit.

  9. “I play bass in a band, hunt and fish, and I own a lot of guns. If any of these things are a problem, say so now, because I’m not going to change”. That’s what I told my wife not too long after we started dating.

  10. I have met the women that won’t date a guy who owns a gun. Many of them live here in California. To counter that stigma, I run Women On Target classes twice a month.
    The women in the video project their fear on the men. “What if you come home drunk?” How many drunk guys shooting women stories do you hear?

    My ex was/is pro gun. Any future ex will be also. I have no time left for lies and embellished fear. I have shot 100s of thousands of rounds in my life and hurt no one. I hope that continues, I pray that every day.

  11. Hey! Let’s play “reverse the gender”.

    Just imagine if Cosmo did an feature where the confident and self assured man told the woman she shouldn’t own a gun because she’d just hurt herself, kill him in an “emotional fit”, and generally shamed her.

  12. With apologies to Sir Mix-a-lot:

    “so Cosmo says no gat, well I ain’t down with that”

    I assume the video was scripted. If it wasn’t they likely picked the 4 couples out of a dozen (or hundred) that made the anti-gunner position look best (to them). It’s possible that everything was on the up & up – real couples, unscripted, little direction, etc. – but I wouldn’t lay any money down on it.

    Still, what they’re trying to pass off as assertive seems much more controlling to me. & notice how they try to arrange things so that gun owners are on the defensive, having to justify their choice, or perhaps their very lifestyle. The only rebuttals (“it’s my Right”, “Because 2nd amendment”) are dismissed out of hand. it’s not a discussion, it’s an interrogation; guilt is presumed & they’re just trying to draw out a confession.

    When the one lady said “from a non-American point of view” I thought she was going to say “we progressives…” or “the editors here at Cosmo…”. Course that kind of preface would’ve been redundant.

    I’ve dated ladies that were anti-gunowner. even had one that I was living with, about a year after we shacked up, in the heat of an argument tell me that she’d never live in a house with guns in it. I just smiled as it dawned on her that she not only did live in a house with guns, but had most of her life (her parents & grandparents were gun owners). A few years later she was a gun owner herself. Wasn’t that I was such a great ambassador – I just took her shooting & she not only lost her fear, but found out it was fun.

    But what Cosmo is trying to do is push their anti-gunowner agenda onto the backs of its readers, & recruit them as foot soldiers in the culture war. I don’t think they’re that concerned about making gunowning males into reluctant non-gunowning males (though they may hope that happens). I think that they’re trying to get anti-gunowner ladies away from gunowning men, as most gunowners who take it seriously & have a little spine will end up having a gunowning family. The anti-gunowner progressive message that Cosmo is trying to implant won’t take hold nearly as easily if the gunowners pass that part of their culture to their kids. When hubby & little Jimmy & little Jane are all going to the CAS match (especially if the kids are competing) then it’s more likely the mom will tag along, which is one less sign carrier at the MomsDe-manAction rally.

    In short, methinks the game is to keep their culture pure, lest we convert them all.

    (what would be funny, is for our side to put out a similar vid, with gunowning women asking their metero bf’s why they’re incapable of protecting themselves, their lady & their kids. But methinks it’d be hard to find a lady that, say, shoots 3 gun or High Power & is dating a guy that agrees with point 25 of “27 ways to be a modern man”)

    1. That article, and the subsequent reaction to it, helped me to realize that the gun culture and I are not a very good fit. I support the 2A in principle, I vote accordingly when it’s important, and I belong to the NRA (for now) but that’s it. I’m not the “type.”

    2. “The only rebuttals (“it’s my Right”, “Because 2nd amendment”) are dismissed out of hand.”

      It helps Cosmo that those are the worst rebuttals. To people who haven’t been exposed to the philosophical basis of the right to arms, they don’t sound like assertions of basic human rights. They make us sound sort of like we’re in some kind of cult.

      I think that a better way to talk to someone you’re dating, if they ask, is to talk about the value of your own life to you and those around you, and your willingness to defend it in case something bad happens. It’s more concrete and familiar.

  13. If a woman were to tell me that I can’t have guns in the house because I might snap and shoot her, I would conclude that she is convinced that SHE might snap and shoot ME – a classic case of projection.

    I probably wouldn’t wait to pack my stuff before I was out the door.

  14. All is see here is that COSMO is behind the video and then laugh. Their only source of credibility is their advice on obtaining a female orgasm.

  15. Maggie, another girlfriend in the video who considers a gun a “death machine,” finds out her boyfriend of 1.5 years doesn’t even have a license for his two guns.

    He has two guns, yet doesn’t have a license to carry? What’s the matter with him? Tell him, Maggie!

  16. I think the videos are hilarious and pro gun ads unintentionally. They say “hey, guys, don’t be whipped wimps like these pathetic ones, buy a gun!”

  17. Women are a strange bunch. Reminds me of what Christie Brinkley said when asked why she divorced Billy Joel, “I couldn’t change him”, enough said.

  18. When I had an invitation to meet a friend’s cousin, I made sure that our first meeting occurred at Boy Scout camp, where she had the opportunity to meet a couple I had recruited and trained as firearms safety instructors.
    We’re now married 15 years, and she is an NRA certified Instructor in multi disciplines. Talk about compatability testing.
    ~Training Counselor

  19. After graduating college I shacked up with my feminist gloria steinem worshipping girlfriend. She was a great cook and had travelled the world, she even spoke Japanese.

    I had a good job, and having grown up with firearms, naturally I went out and purchased my first handgun, a Ruger P89DC, without ‘asking her permission’. It didn’t go over well at all!

    Needless to say, I still have the Ruger, but the girlfriend didn’t last much longer! My wife of 16 years sure has enjoyed shooting that handgun along with her own though. Any woman that can’t accept every aspect of your life isn’t worth the headache.

  20. My last few first or second dates have been to the firing range.
    One, a lady had “inherited” a gun and had never shot it, so…I showed her how a couple of mine worked first then how hers did, hers being a .380 pistol, we started with .22 rifle, then .22 pistol, then her pistol.

    Another, her ex husband had made shooting so un-fun she didn’t like doing it.

    Last “date” I had was to the range then supper, her “first time” firing a gun under safe circumstances.

    I learned early. Woman I dated in college, we were watching some movie and I remarked upon something not being “truthful” in the gun handling department. Got a “look” and a “how do you know”. “Well, I own (uh…probably 5 guns at that time) a few and I’m familiar with that type, they don’t do that.”

    “Well, when we get married you’ll keep them in the garage, right?”
    “Um…no. They’ll rust. Be awful hard to defend from a break-in if they’re all the way out there…”

    It didn’t work out.

  21. I would say most of my post-college ex-girlfriends were anti-gun. Luckily for me, Mrs. S., was a military brat who’s father besides collecting cars also likes to collect guns. We both have our CCW permits and have date nights at the range. More importantly, we are bringing along the chillins’ with safe gun handling and shooting practices.

    The important takeaway is never compromise your values. One of my values is being able to defend myself, and if need be with a gun.

  22. Chris and I are a little different than most. We both grew up outside the gun culture. When he told me during his first deployment that he wanted to buy a gun and keep it in the house, I was pretty freaked out. So I took a class in order to have a leg to stand on when I told him hell no.

    …Yeah. That didn’t end the way I thought it would, hahaha. He got home from the desert to a wife that shot better than he did.

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