It’s been a while since I posted a random conversation. It’s spring, which means it’s time for my neighborhood to be treated to the pleasures of ice cream truck music. You know, those sing song tunes that stick in your head to the point where you’re ready to sharpen a pencil and stab it in your ear.
Sebastian: I think it takes a certain kind of person to drive an ice cream truck
Lachrymite: a truly demented one?
Sebastian: They almost have to be. I mean, if I had to listen to the song the one in my neighborhood plays all day long, it wouldn’t be too long before I decide to drive my ice cream truck off a bridge just to end my misery.
Sebastian: So I was thinking of what really motivates someone to drive an ice cream truck
Sebastian: I narrowed it down to two possibilities
Sebastian: 1) You really like eating your own inventory
Sebastian: 2) You really like little boys
Lachrymite: so either your ice cream truck driver is fat
Lachrymite: or he’s a child rapist!
Sebastian: Yeah, that’s basically how I see it
Sebastian: If your ice cream truck driver isn’t fat, I’d pay careful attention to his reaction when your kid orders a fudgesickle.
Sebastian: You also have to think that the fat ice cream man is eating his own profits.
Lachrymite: so he’ll probably go out of business soon
Lachrymite: which only leaves the pedophile ice cream truck drivers
Sebastian: So really, this could be an entire industry driven by people who like kids a little too much
Sebastian: I mean, anyone else, and they’d be handing the inventory out to the kids, because at the end of their shift, they planned to close the garage door with the truck still running, just so they can get that awful ice cream truck music out of their heads forever.
Sebastian: If I had an ice cream truck, I’d play death metal out the loudspeaker.
Sebastian: It would be the only way to maintain sanity.
Sebastian: And it would drive the hippies away.
Apologies to anyone who might be reading, who ever drove an ice cream truck, isn’t fat, and doesn’t want to touch children. I did not mean to malign your noble, if misunderstood, profession.