Dessert Protocol

While I am on the topic of homosexuality and restaurants, it got me thinking of a funny thing I’ve run into with commenter Brad (who is also a friend from college).  If we went out to get some beers and food, and one of us ended up ordering dessert, the waitress would invariably bring two spoons.  That’s two spoons, one dessert, and two guys.

After this happened a few times, I started saying “Dude, do we look gay or something? Did she miss the wedding ring on your finger? I mean, this isn’t Massachusetts.” So we went back and told Brad’s wife about this, and she suggested that women would make the assumption that two male friends would want to share a yummy dessert.

So we set out to test this theory when one night we had a male waiter instead of a female waitress. I ordered dessert, and sure enough, he brings a single spoon. A few more female waitresses would give us two spoons after that, so it would appear that the theory was correct.

So, ladies, if you ever wait tables, men do not share desserts with other men. They may share them with women, and I suppose women share with other women, but the only possible circumstance where men would be able to share a dessert is if it was so impossibly huge as not to be reasonably possible to be consumed by a single person, but even there, throw in bananas or any similarly shaped food items in it, and the deal is off. So when you bring two spoons, and one dessert to guys, they will start wondering if they are giving off gay vibes.

So the next question becomes, would a flaming gay waiter, presented with the same situation, bring one spoon or two? These are the kinds of fundamental questions about the universe I would like to have answers to. So Brad, we should go to the BBQ place with the flaming gay waiter, and one of us order desert, so that it will be a mystery no more. Just don’t order the smoked sausage plate.

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