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The Zargonian Connection

New Jersey, as a state, is completely off its rocker.  Seriously.   Animal Rights activists are peddling a book to kids in schools about aliens, namely Zargonians, that come to Earth and hunt humans for food and sport.  It’s designed to make kids think about hunting.  I think I’ve seen these Zargonians before:

Neither Governor Schwarzenegger nor former Governor Ventura could not be reached for comment on plans for countering the Zargonian menance.

14 Responses to “The Zargonian Connection”

  1. I heard about this garbage this morning. I wish I’d made the Predator connection sooner. LOL!

    Two of my favorite lines: Parts of Earth have been “designated as ‘human management areas’ where they hunt us for pleasure and for our meat, which is considered a delicacy by Zargonian gourmets.” “Zargonians use a variety of hunting techniques. They frighten us and then shoot us in the back as we run for our lives.”

    Clearly the Zargs won’t be doing any hunting in Texas. Maybe we can get ’em to land in California?

    tweaker

  2. R.J. says:

    Interesting. Ahnuld fought a Zargonian in “Predator”, and Danny Glover fought several of them in “Predator II”, yet both of these *ahem* actors are virulently anti-gun.

    Hey, tweaker, if you’re going to send them to Kollyvornia, send ’em to my house. Springfield and I will take care of ’em!

  3. RAH says:

    If most kids reads these books, the emotional reaction is to hunt and fight these Zargonians. No way would they feel empathetic that that is what we do. Sorry kids reactions would never be that silly.

  4. Mike Gallo says:

    I agree with RAH in principle, but unfortunately, I think many kids don’t have the instilled view of right and wrong to stop the teacher and say “well, wouldn’t we fight back?” I don’t see cattle-like behavior being offensive to most city-dwellers these days. What’s the quote: “Fairy tales don’t teach children that monsters exist. Children know monster exist. Fairy tales teach children that monsters can be destroyed.”

    But yeah, if Zargonians were edible, I think our hunters here in WI would give them a run for their money…

  5. DirtCrashr says:

    Oh the poor hungry Zargonians, they have a right to hunt too!
    Nah it’s only possible because some Joisy made-man “Big Louie” sold ’em the lease because he knows a few people in the Governor’s office, knowaddymean.

  6. B Smith says:

    “Occasionally… Zargonians will set up a fast food restaurant or pizza parlor, and burst in on us while we eat, with their street-sweepers blazing.”

    BWAHAHAHAHAHA! The horror! The evil! The…STREET SWEEPER!!!
    Oh, I’d long for a copy of this, if only it didn’t fund these psychotic morons.

  7. jones says:

    I was wondering what that mineral block was in the front yard. The Zargonians must be practicing Quality Human Management.

    My offer to Animal Rights nuts stands – The first duck that swings back into my decoys to carry a cripple to safety will be the end of my sport hunting.

    25+ years and all the healthy ducks ditch their buddies.

  8. AntiCitizenOne says:

    “If most kids reads these books, the emotional reaction is to hunt and fight these Zargonians. No way would they feel empathetic that that is what we do. Sorry kids reactions would never be that silly.”

    Unfortunately I think this is what the animal rights nutters wanted to happen – to make kids get this reaction, and then project the anger onto hunters in human form…

    well, there’s nothing particularly wrong about vegetarianism/veganism, and the only qualm on hunting is that you technically take the life of a sentient being, but then again, if you can’t hack growing your own food or going on the vegan athlete’s diet, might as well blast away a deer or caribou or buffalo to give you some nutrition (plus have you seen Bear Gryll’s Man vs Wild?).

    Or we can all just eat Soylent Green.

  9. RedneckInNY says:

    I think the Zargonians would find that eating the vegans to be a healthier alternative, than eating us meat-eating, high-in-cholesterol, inbred, redneck, round-about-the-gut, whacked-out, nutjob, gun-nutting hunters who’ll probably give them high cholesterol, heartburn, indigestion, bad breath, toe fungus, ingrown toenails and kidney stones…IF THEY WERE FUCKING REAL!!!!

    So many whacked out vegans out there and not one living brain cell among them. If they did, they wouldn’t be coming out with this crap.

  10. Weer'd Beard says:

    Honestly being killed for food sound a hell of a lot better than being killed for my wallet or my car….

    So if they want to hunt me for food, I see that as noble enugh….of course I ain’t goin without a fight….and edible or no the Zargonians might find themselves on the hunted list just for my own self preservation.

  11. warbaby says:

    No…No…It’s the state government of New Jersey that’s eating all the people.

  12. Jim W says:

    If zargonians bleed, we can kill them.

  13. Jim W says:

    Oh shit, the zargonians use street sweepers. How very 80s of them. I like how they set up bait areas in fast food restaurants. Because of course no one in a Hardees or a Waffle House is going to be packing.

    At this point I feel that anyone that gets caught by these guys has it coming. At least give the aliens advanced technology or something. These guys barely sound like a serious law enforcement problem let alone a full blown alien invasion.

  14. DirtCrashr says:

    The Zargonians also look like the front end of a Toyota truck.

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