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Ron Paul: Startling Revelations

I’ve come across a piece of startling news.  All along most of us have thought that Ron Paul was the one libertarian in Congress.  Well, through an informant, I’ve come to learn the truth.  Ron Paul is actually an alien from the planet Simtar Alpha 5, and is part of an alien conspiracy to take over the Earth and enslave mankind.  The Simtarians have actually been infiltrating our society for quite some time.  Who crashed the planes into the World Trade Center and Pentagon?   It wasn’t George W. Bush and Dick Cheney, it was Ron Paul!The Simtarians needed to strike at the highest levels of our economy and military.  The reason no one saw any explosive wiring in the World Trade Center, or never saw the demolition team, is because they were Simtarians!   They are masters of disguise.  If you’re thinking this is far fetched, look carefully at the smoke debris from the tower collapse, you will see an image of Ron Paul.

The Iraq War wasn’t started on behalf of the zionist conspiracy. Everyone has it all wrong, the real conspiracy is the Ron Paul/Simtarian conspiracy. Saddam Hussein was also a Simtarian, but they quickly realized that their plans for world conquest were never going to be realized through him, so they sent Ron Paul. It was actually Ron Paul who convinced Bush and Cheney to attack Iraq so he could get Saddam out of the way and begin the plan anew.  The plan was brilliant!  He would get Saddam out of the way, secretly working with Rumsfeld and Wolfwitz (Simtarians both), while appearing the entire time to actually be against the war, maintaining his reputation as a stalwart anti-interventionist, and maintaining the minions of naive college students who keep his Simtarian ambitions for world conquest alive.

You can call me a loony conspiracy theorist, but you’ll all realize I was right when your kids are learning Simtarian in school and the body mask comes off Ron Paul and you all realize we’re ruled by a lizard.

4 Responses to “Ron Paul: Startling Revelations”

  1. Sarcasm much?

    Interestingly, there’s a Ron Paul support meeting here in my town this Saturday night at a gun range. I’m going to be out of town, otherwise I’d go. Ought to be an interesting time.

  2. Bruch says:

    Hey. This is now making sense. This would explain why Saddam claimed he never got the message from the US that he shouldn’t invade Kuwait. The Simtarians must have intercepted it! Soon “Paul” will claim that it is not only policy that causes blowback, but a series of “mistakes” like this.

    I knew it. Ron Paul is just too nice of a guy, even for a bloke pretending to be nice. It is not humanly possible. And it isn’t! It’s an alien actor! Only an alien actor can pretend that! Can you imagine? An actor as president? That is really scary.

    And it’s true about Simtarian in school. I saw some kids the other day and before I scared them off, I couldn’t understand a thing they called me.

    I’m going underground.

  3. Sebastian says:

    I actually don’t really have any issue with Ron Paul. I think his supporters are a little nuts, and I have some disagreement with him on foreign policy, but overall I think the guy is OK. I put this post up to boost my technorati ranking a few points so I could brag about being a B-list blog :)

  4. Alcibiades says:

    Has anyone questioned Ron Paul about those mysterious cattle mutilations? His testimony could break the case!

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