Self-Defense advise…

against the undead. From the Federal Vampire Zombie Agency:

Shotguns are somewhat less effective against zombies because of the zombie’s primitive mental capacity and enormous pain tolerance. As with any zombie weapon, you should use the shotgun only to buy enough time for escape.

Or if a rifle is more your style:

Vampires: FVZA sharpshooters used rifles with night vision scopes to pick off vampires as they emerged from their shelter for a night of hunting. But for home defense against bloodsuckers, the rifle is not very practical.

Zombies: When the zombies are coming, a rifle from a fortified, elevated position is just about the best weapon there is. There’s no danger of catching zombie fluids and viscera in the eyes, nose and mouth, and no danger of a zombie grabbing the barrel of the rifle. Picking off zombies from a safe spot can even be, dare I say, more than a little fun.

There are a few things that are surprising, like the fact that crossbows are not particularly effective against vampires, and that the flamethrower has a long and distinguished history in undead combat.

3 thoughts on “Self-Defense advise…”

  1. According to the Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks, “Blades don’t need reloading.” Ditch the gun, grab the sword and saw.

  2. Off topic, but I notice you keep spelling “advice” as “advise”. Are you… Canadian?

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