I was aware of the predictions of a fringe religious group claiming that the world will end tomorrow. I was not aware they had it down to an exact time. Who knew the four horsemen were so punctual. Apparently time zone is not an issue, since it will be sweeping rapture. Those must be some fast horses.

Believers still have until 6:00 tomorrow to demonstrate the solidity of their faith by signing all their worldly possessions over to me. I am also available, for a price, to take care of pets after the rapture, though, I will need to be paid up front for the service.

UPDATE: SayUncle has similar thoughts.

Big question: what drink for ringing in the apocalypse? Something I can make with cheap booze, because I’m through buying the good shit until the job situation is improved.

18 Responses to “Armageddon”

  1. Bitter says:

    I am also available, for a price, to take care of pets after the rapture, though, I will need to be paid up front for the service.

    I prefer small, cute dogs. If you pay him to take cats, they will be left outside. Large dogs are also acceptable if they are cute, sweet, and have personality.

  2. SayUncle says:

    If you’re not gonna splurge right before the apocalypse, then you’re just not gonna splurge.

  3. Sebastian says:

    You prefer foo foo dogs. After rapture we’ll feed the foo foo dogs to the giant lizards which I’m fairly certain are coming. But those don’t arrive until 7.

  4. David says:

    I think the drink is Kool Aid. Seems these types of people like to drink the Kool aid.

  5. JohnW says:

    I’m listening to a radio station in Melbourne right now, and its after 0600 local there, May 21st, and they’re playing oldies and running commercials as if nothing has happened.

  6. Rob K says:

    You would want to drink Unibroue’s La Fin du Monde or perhaps their Maudite.

  7. skipsul says:

    I’d go for the bloody Mary.

  8. Thirdpower says:

    @JohnW: It’s 6pm , not am.

  9. JohnW says:

    They were saying 6am over at SayUncle. I’ll get up at 1 in the morning for an eclipse but not to check up on some God-botherer.

  10. Stephen says:

    The Drink of choice for the Apocalypse is simple: The Kamikaze. Equal parts Vodka, Triple Sec, and Lime Juice. You’re going to want to drink them slow, unless you’re used to drinking a lot. They taste sour and great, but are heavy with the booze. 3 of these the way I make them (2 parts of each ) will knock you on your ass fast. You can use cheap Triple Sec and Vodka too…the Lime is what you’ll be tasting.

  11. Alpheus says:

    As a religious nut who believes that Christ will be coming soon, I don’t get this “set the date business”. Perhaps my attitude has something to do with the Biblical statement that not even Christ knows the day or hour of his coming…

  12. joated says:

    Is that 6:00 AM or PM? I don’t want to be late.

  13. Prophet says:

    You know what would be really funny? If this guy was right. I mean, I think he’s a kook…but really…what if he nailed it and we’re all just laughin away. I guess it really wouldn’t matter but the crazy guy with the sign that says the end is near (you know the guy…he’s in ever city) will eventually be right.

  14. Arnie says:

    Prophet, it would be just as it was in the days of Noah before the ark doors were shut and the raindrops started to fall and then…ooooooops!
    But Alpheus is right: no man knows the day or the hour of our Lord’s return. But we can know the season. When every man’s heart is devoted to do evil continually, as in Noah’s day. I reckon it’s soon, just looking around us. Not tomorrow, but soon I should think. And it’s not the end of the world, but the end of sin and death. The world itself is made new (Revelation 21:1). It will ultimately be a good thing! I fear this Mr. Camping is not squaring with some pretty obvious Scriptures. As an optimist, I plan to read this site tomorrow at 7 pm!

  15. I say go the opposite route Sebastian. Buy a case of Dogfish Head 120 Minute IPA.

    When the world doesn’t end. Sue them for misleading you, ask for damages in the amount of $250 (cost of case). And split the beer with the lawyer.

    I am sure you could find a lawyer who’d write up a letter for you in exchange for 1/2 the beer if the group responds with a settlement payment.


  16. I would think that HE would think some fire would be a nice touch.

  17. John A. Stossle says:

    Was there a timezone specified? I’m in the USA Pacific timezone, however, it is already past 6am UTC and the world still seems to be running.

  18. Arnie says:

    John Stossle (any relation to the TV libertarian?), I understood the earthquake was a “rolling” earthquake that is supposed to follow the time zones around the world. Since it is already past 1800 hours in Australia and no earthquake there…well…there you go.