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Action Park

Thanks to David Bernstein for reminding me of this place. Read the whole thing, it’s quite funny. Here’s an excerpt:

Super Speed Water Slides: These were two water slides, set slightly apart from the rest of the park, that took advantage of nearly vertical slopes to allow riders to attain higher speeds than usually possible. One started with riders going almost vertically downwards and was covered with screening for the first several feet.

As barriers on the side of the slides were very low, lifeguards reminded every user to remain flat on their back with their arms at the side as they descended since there was no way to ride it otherwise and stay on. The fall from both slides had the potential for very serious injury.

Those who made it to the bottom found their progress arrested by water, which made a large splash, and then a small pool. The speed at which riders met the end resulted in many getting wedgies and enemas from the experience.[13] Employees kept fishnets for scooping out the occasional nugget of excrement or tampon.

This statement I think pretty much sums up what we’ve lost as a society by  treating children as fragile eggs who have to be protected from everything:

Action Park made adults of a generation of Tri-State Area kids who strolled through its blood-stained gates, by teaching us the truth about life: it is not safe, you will get hurt a lot, and you’ll ride all the way home burnt beyond belief.

Another patron notes:

Action Park was a true rite of passage for any New Jerseyan of my generation. When I get to talking about it with other Jerseyans, we share stories as if we are veterans who served in combat together. I suspect that many of us may have come closest to death on some of those rides up in Vernon Valley. I consider it a true shame that future generations will never know the terror of proving their grit at New Jersey’s most dangerous amusement park.

But not today.  No.  We can’t let kids do anything dangerous.

3 Responses to “Action Park”

  1. DirtCrashr says:

    Wow, you’re lucky to have survived – it must make you appreciate life all the more!

  2. Sebastian says:

    Actually, I never went. I feel I missed out on that part of childhood. But its reputation was legendary in the annals of kiddome. I saw the ads on TV, really wanted to go, but my parents never liked to go to the Jersey parks with all the rif raff that came from New York. Sad.

    As best I can tell, it was only able to continue to operate because of New Jersey’s legendary corruption. Good to know it was good for something!

  3. Alcibiades says:

    I heard stories about it after moving to the area. Kids seemed obsessed with it, really. Of course, I never went because I’d rather not get killed or maimed. Can’t people just go to Six Flags?

    I would rather not receive an enema from a water slide.

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