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Debunking the Zombie Apocalypse

A hilarious article over at cracked.com. Number one reason? “Weapons and the People Who Use Them:”

Remember, the whole reason hunting licenses exist is to limit the number of animals you’re allowed to kill, because if you just declared free reign for everybody with a gun, everything in the forest would be dead by sundown. Even the trees would be mounted proudly above the late-arriving hunter’s mantles. It’s safe to assume that when the game changes from “three deer” to “all the rotting dead people trying to eat us,” there will be no shortage of volunteers.

RTWT

7 Responses to “Debunking the Zombie Apocalypse”

  1. Well there is a reason authors like Max Brooks specifically rationalize 7, 6, and 5 away.

    3 is something of any understatement though. Just the act of using our muscles damages them. Since Zeke can’t repair that muscle damage and lacks the muscle control to restrain himself, he’ll be effectively paralyzed in short order.

  2. Your kidding. Some people, I’m afraid, aren’t so sure. My wife assigned as a first paper in her English Comp class, “Describe the most pressing social problem the world faces today.” One student turned in a very earnest paper about…zombies.

  3. Ian Argent says:

    Cracked is surprisingly pro-gun for a pop-media site. I mean, SURPRISINGLY. Enough so that they would qualify in my book for a mention under the “We’re winning” tag.

    Someone pointed out their “Movie Myths” round-up a while back which had a couple of movie gun myths…

  4. monty says:

    There is a reason the UK is such a popular setting for zombie movies…

  5. Sebastian says:

    I thought that was because of Parliament.

  6. Dixie says:

    I thought that was because of Parliament.

    Well, that, and the fact that your average subject of the Crown and a zombie differ only in respiration.

  7. Ronnie says:

    I have been saying for the longest time that just about any zombie movie would less last than five minutes if just one of the main characters had an AK-47 type rifle with a 75-round RPK drum, or better yet, an AR-15 type rifle with a 100-round Beta C-Mag.

    It’s actually not so implausible that somebody would have either one of these rifles and the corresponding magazines in a gun-friendly region, so I guess a zombie outbreak has a better chance of lasting longer in New York City than some small town in West Texas.

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