Last night, I pondered what it would be like to become a nanny-stater. Instead of being content to simply not like something, what if I felt the need to call for government to ban these things? Once I started thinking about it, I realized just how much fun this could be.
So here’s my Christmas list of things I would ban if I believed in the nanny state:
- Houses with all blue Christmas lights. They make me feel cold. Therefore, they might make children feel cold. If we can save just one child from feeling cold, it will be worth it.
- Olives. Beyond olive oil, olives serve no purpose other than to make my stomach churn. Â We must close the olive loophole that allows olives to be sold to the public in a form other than olive oil.
- Holiday inflatable yard decorations. One home in our neighborhood has so many of these, they had to cut back their only tree to accomodate a Frosty the size of their house. Â They have a Halloween inflatable that celebrates Death. Â These disgraceful decorations are a waste of energy, and, as our neighbors illustrate, not at all green. Â We must ban them to save the planet.
- Wonderful Christmastime. It’s for the children. Â Seriously, this song is all sorts of wrong, and it’s too easy for little ears to hear the jingle and start repeating it. Â It must be banned so we can allow our children to grow up in a world without Paul McCartney holiday tunes.
This is just the beginning. Â I can already see the ways I can make the world a better place just by using the force of government to ban things I don’t like. Â Have a little fun with your own lists below.