Shall Not Be Questioned » Funny

Great Dirty Minds Think Alike

Bitter — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 21:54:24 +0000

I just can’t help it. This is a great headline find by Wyatt:

USAF’s Big Penetrator Needs To Be Harder

I just… There’s not much else that can be said.

Unexpected Economic Indicators

Bitter — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 14:55:50 +0000

I love the Wall Street Journal and the fact that they can make almost any economic story interesting. For example, the leading gong salesman in the U.S. Yes, gongs.

When the economy was going gangbusters, salesmen were piling into gongs. Sales people seem to like making customers bang gongs to ease the pain of buying something they might not be able to afford.

“But as soon as the recession hit, bam! It stopped,” says Mr. Borakove. Gong sales shifted over to the meditation market. “Because when people go broke,” he says, “they get spiritual.”

Turns out there are a few folks in the gong business, and they aren’t joking about the spiritual aspect of gongs. Their top buyers now are yoga instructors and people who are buying “planet gongs,” probably related to the end of the world predictions.

The gong dealer says that Countrywide was a buyer during the subprime crazy selling days. This should be a warning sign. Any business that thought it was a good idea to buy a giant gong probably deserves to go out of business with a few exceptions.

Another random fact I find amusing is that the tv show “Scrubs” can singlehandedly boost gong sales.

That reminded Mr. Borakove of the “Scrubs” episode where J.D. says to Julie, “Um, now it’s time to ring the sex gong.” Whenever that line airs, no matter where in the world, gong orders pour into Gongs Unlimited.

I Must Demand Satisfaction

Sebastian — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 19:01:58 +0000

Some most excellent gentlemen have directed me to a scoundrelish attack to my honor. Political opposition can never absolve gentlemen from the necessity of a rigid adherence to the laws of honor and the rules of decorum. The common sense of mankind affixes to the epithet adopted by the good Mr. Everitt, the very idea of dishonor. As a proper gentleman, I must demand satisfaction to this offense against my honor and reputation. If the gentlemen Mr. Everitt does not see to my satisfaction, I trust that a representative will be nominated in order to choose a proper field of honor. While the challenged party has the prerogative of choosing the weapon, I might suggest:

I am aware of the deadliness of such a dangerous weapon, but as a matter of honor, I think it suitable. As the offended party, in the interest of civility, and out of humane sense, the duel will be to the “first sauce,” as I believe this will be adequate for the purposes of my satisfaction. I have the honor to be, sir, your obedient servant, and await your prompt reply.

Sebastian

A Christmas Decoration’s Demise

Bitter — Thu, 22 Dec 2011 17:34:37 +0000

I once destroyed a Christmas decoration when I was a kid by running outside to show my dad something, then turning to run back into the house – without realizing that someone had closed the glass door behind me since they didn’t realize I would be back inside quickly. Yeah, that was pretty funny looking back on it. Fortunately, my dad pulled out the super glue and fixed up the horse for me. I still have it today.

Alan Sailer, on the other hand, destroys his Christmas decorations with an air rifle. There’s no gluing these things back together.

What I find most interesting about his hobby is how creative he gets with the shots. Consider the set up for this photo:

Pay attention now.

Rifle fires pellet at razor blade. Blade splits pellet in two. Two halves of pellet wing their way towards a pair of gelatin filled Christmas bulbs.

And timing is set just a little two early.

Although if you look very closely, you can see tiny cracks staring in the light brown bulb as the half pellet just touches the glass surface.

He frequently fills the ornaments with materials that include chapstick, sour cream, colored sand, red jello, honey, plain water, sugar balls, aloe gel, sand mixed with alcohol, and even Play Doh.

I don’t think he likes Frosty. He also doesn’t limit his artistic destruction to air rifle, but incorporates a ping pong ball cannon for a little diversity.

Words I Never Expected to Hear out of Northampton: Smithies Protest for More Meat

Bitter — Thu, 27 Oct 2011 17:08:08 +0000

I know that many of you won’t get the headline, but for those who do, well, you understand. For those who don’t, I’ll just let the article sum up why I’m shocked.

All last week, students at Smith College were buzzing over a rumor that the school was going completely vegetarian and locavore. There were protests and counter-protests, with slogans chalked on walkways. There was a Twitter feed that caught the attention of VegNews, “America’s premier vegan lifestyle magazine.’’ At a student government meeting, the dining services manager came under attack: How did she expect students to pass their midterms without coffee?

The rumor was started on purpose by two professors teaching a logic class. Half the class was to drum up support for a ban on meat and non-local goods while the other half was to demonstrate against it. Suddenly, it made sense. There’s no way that Smith students would actually protest in favor of meat unless it was an assignment.

What amazes me is that the rumor managed to get serious traction even though there were clear signs that it was fake. A fake student group was speaking out on favor of it, and yet the rumor spread. Did no one look the group up? On top of that, even the college staff pointed out that the campus would at least demand a committee to come to a decision like this.

For those of you not in the know about why this is newsworthy regarding Smith, there was one rumor that they could not get to catch on: grassroots support for an ROTC program.

Rebranding Tacticool and Camo as Halloween

Sebastian — Fri, 21 Oct 2011 17:49:52 +0000

Found this in my mailbox this morning. Looks like this company decided to take its normal product line-ups and put them together in halloween packages. Creative, I have to say, but mostly made of fail. Watch the neighborhood dogs run in fear, or impress the guys on the range in July with the SWAT Halloween costume. I call this one, “Everyone thinks I’m Cousin It, but I’m really a bad ass sniper, dammit!“. This might be a good costume to trick or treat at Occupy Wall Street in, since the gas mask might help with the smell. How about the Lara Croft costume? Of course, many of these costumes are useless if you’re not open carrying a rifle or a pistol down the street. Thinking of attending “Booty Camp” this year? We have the costume for you. This year, with ol’ Morromar getting all Sic Semper Tyrannised recently, Libyan Rebel is certain to be the hot costume. Given the price of food in Libya these days, I’m not sure they’ll be making that one in XL. But if you want to pull off Fidel in his later years, they do make that costume in XL, and they’ll trade you the Keffiyeh for a nifty hat. I don’t know if the picture of Che in the background comes with it.

The Tech Industry Today

Sebastian — Tue, 18 Oct 2011 15:42:07 +0000

Lesters Ammo: Works Sometimes

Sebastian — Mon, 05 Sep 2011 17:21:34 +0000

I have to admit, I laughed.

The iPad Revolution

Bitter — Fri, 26 Aug 2011 01:33:36 +0000

I find it funny that Hurricane Irene is now on Twitter. In fact, she has an iPad. I suspect people who called the iPad a revolution didn’t quite envision it making revolutions in this manner.

Crazy Star Trek Fans

Sebastian — Fri, 19 Aug 2011 22:29:31 +0000

Someone in Riverside, Iowa, has put up a funny Star Trek memorial. You’ll totally earn your nerd credentials if you can tell me what’s wrong with it.