A modest proposal for a “Racing Car Ban”

Imagine, if you will, a politician’s press conference transcript, reproduced below

In light of recent tragic street racing deaths caused by youths recreating closed circuit road racing in street-legal cars that look like NASCAR vehicles, I have a modest proposal that we ban these cars that are similar to cars of racing.

A car should be considered a “racing car” if it meets the below-listed criteria:

A 4-seat car with an automatic transmission and the ability to be refueled from a portable tank and has at least 2 of the following:

1. A driver’s seat that adjusts in height or can be moved forward and back on rails
2. A shift level mounted in the center console
3. A “Bull bumper” or a “ramplate”
4. A 2″ or greater exhaust pipe or a muffler designed to accommodate a 2″ or greater exhaust pipe
5. A weapon mount

A 2-seat car with an automatic transmission and the ability to be refueled from a portable tank and has at least 2 of the following:

1. A fuel fill port behind the license plate
2. A muffler capable of accepting a 2″ or greater exhaust pipe
3. A steering wheel grip cover
4. A manufactured weight of over 5000 lbs with an empty gas tank
5. A street-legal copy of a track-only vehicle

A SUV with any number of seats that has an automatic transmission and at least 2 of the following:

1.  A driver’s seat that adjusts in height or can be moved forward and back on rails
2. A shift lever mounted in the center console
3. More than a 15-gallon fuel capacity; and
4. the ability to be refueled from portable containers.

The original