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Pearl Clutching Over Pocket Knives

This article in is a level of pants shitting hysterics we don’t often see on this side of the pond. From Stan Parish at Bloomberg News, who wants us to banish the term “pocket knife” for “stay-at-home knives”:

In this era of search-happy security, carrying a knife isn’t just an anachronism; it’s a terrible idea. So let’s retire the term pocketknife, along with the practice it implies. Instead, meet the stay-at-home knife, an all-purpose blade for every place but your trousers.

I carry a pocket knife regularly because it’s a useful tool. The rest of the doohickeys on the knife come in handy on a regular basis as well. Seriously, Mr. Parish, you really need to get out of New York City more often, and see how the rest of the country lives. We do not fear tools in most of the rest of the country. If it’s useful to carry, we carry it. To the rest of the country, you sounds like you’ve lost your damned mind.

11 Responses to “Pearl Clutching Over Pocket Knives”

  1. jdunmyer says:

    I literally cannot remember NOT carrying a knife. Certainly through High School, probably through Middle School also. Every time I need to dig change out of my pocket, I have to lay my knife and car key/fob on the counter, as they share the same pocket. No one has ever commented.

  2. Don Gwinn says:

    HA HA HA HA HA HA!

  3. Dannytheman says:

    Gibbs rule number 9. Always have a knife. I mainly have a multi tool and knife with me at all times.

  4. Old 1811 says:

    This idiot does have a point. When I lived across the river from DC, the capital of tinhorn-fascist security kabuki, I had to plan ahead every time I crossed the river. I had to divest myself of my carry gun, ammo, knives, and take my keys off my kubotan and leave the evil weapon at home or in my car at the Metro station. (Only idiots drive in DC, the home of the worst drivers in the United States.) Even though I’m (theoretically) protected by LEOSA, try explaining that to a minimum-wager at a security checkpoint.

  5. Cargosquid says:

    The “article” is a clickbait advertisement for knives. How better to get pro-knife people to show up than to apparently attack what they love.

    • Chase says:

      Clickbait for very wealthy members of the financial class, no less. This is basically the online version of the Hammacher Schlemmer catalog.

  6. Overload in CO says:

    I think he’s half right, but for a different reason. Here in Colorado, part of the legal definition of a knife is having a blade at least 3.5″ long. Since I carry a blade of less than that length in my pocket, calling it a pocket knife is incorrect. If I get pulled over by police and am asked if I have a weapon on me, I need a word to name it without saying I have a pocket knife.

  7. thatturahguy says:

    Daily carry for me is a Boker Subcom pocket knife with the thumb stud the Obama Administration thought made it a switchblade, A Gerber multitool, and a Boker/ Wilson “Cop Tool” in my own sheath. I’ve used them every day for various purposes; I’m not scared of them. Am I a terrorist or psychopath? No, just a working guy. Go pound salt, Stan.

  8. Joethefatman™ says:

    In my case pocket knife is incorrect. It should be pocket knives. And like Karl Malden used to say “Don’t leave home without them!”

  9. Harry Schell says:

    An Englishman at heart, obviously. They are terrified of knives over there, too.

  10. Kevin Highland says:

    Being ambidextrous, I carry a knife in each front pocket everyday, everywhere I go unless security theatre is involved.

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