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Ready for the SOTU?

I am. I think I am sufficiently sauced. What I’m going to be on the lookout for is whether he brings up gun control. Last year he certainly did. They got their vote and they lost. Will he want to expend political capital on gun control this year? We shall see. I’ll update if he says anything worth noting.

UPDATE: Gabby Giffords and Mark Kelly will be releasing a new ad during SOTU, but will the President back them up with rhetoric of his own?

9:21: He still hasn’t said anything yet. I mean anything. Not just about gun control. Blah blah blah blah.

9:23: Everyone looks dour. Even the progressive Dems don’t seem to have the energy for Obama. Even Michelle looks clinically depressed.

9:23: The death of upward mobility! Well, not like you’re helping with that any, asshole.

9:24: He’ll expand opportunity for American families, even if it means having to become a dictator!

9:28: I’m pretty sure I could code something up to write Obama speeches at this point. This is objectively bad. He’s saying everything short of “shovel ready.” It’s like every Obama speech is a compilation of every other Obama speech. I thought Bush was bad in this regard.

9:31: The federal government is responsible for Google and the iPhone, according to President Obama! There’s nothing the .gov can’t do!

9:32: I actually agree with the President on patent reform. This is a rare occurrence for me to agree with anything he has to say.

9:34: Man, this whole Congress could use some Prozac. I think they’re all clinically depressed.

9:35: “Fuels of the future.” Unicorn farts, apparently.

9:37: Fixing our “broken immigration system” is the only thing that seems to make Democrats not be clinically depressed.

9:38: Dick Dubrin seems to be the only asshole that still gets a hard on from Obama’s speeches. He’s smiling like a squirrel in a nuthouse.

9:40: He’s commanded Joe Biden to find everyone who needs a job the training they need to get a job. I’m guessing that’s going to keep him too busy to lobby for more gun control.

9:41: Restoring unemployment animates the Democrats briefly again…. or maybe not… that died out quickly… second try for that applause line just doesn’t quite do it. Back to clinical depression.

9:43: This is the most depressed I’ve ever seen Congress at a SOTU. Both sides. Even the Republicans can’t get a good boo going. What’ worth booing? It’s just dreck.

9:46: We’re spending all kinds of money and not adding any to the deficit, according to the President. I wish my finances could work like that! Education is an investment! Yeah, I’m still making student loan payments to prove it, and I am turning 40 soon.

9:49: We’re getting all war-on-women now, but it’s all “war on their wallets” and not their girly parts.

9:52: Now we’re on minimum wage, because there’s no downside to anything. Money just farts out of the backside of the unicorn. This from a guy who’s never had to meet a payroll in his life.

9:54: MyIRA? MyRA? I don’t know what he’s talking about. Turns out my namesake family are Ulster Scotts. I don’t support the IRA, sorry.

9:56: Obamacare is helping real people, according to the President. Well, for us real people, it’s made insurance on the individual market unaffordable, whereas it was previously. Thanks, dude!

9:58: Democrats are as animated as I’ve seen them tonight in cheering Obamacare, which has done nothing except make insurance unaffordable and push more people off the insurance roles. Keep cheering. Yes, keep cheering. America is increasingly recognizing this turd for what it is.

9:59: He wants us all to get covered by March 31st! Well, you know, when you charge twice as much for crappier coverage, you can f**k right the hell off. We’re not going to play his game in our house. At least he’s not repeating the lie, “If you like your plan you can keep it!”

10:01: Citizenship is being anti-gun! He’s talking about gun control! “I intend to keep trying, with or without congress….” to shit on our rights as Americans. I’ll get more detail on this section of the speech shortly.

10:03: We’re on to our troops now. Well, that’s some dedication to gun control right there. Didn’t even get two minutes of the President’s time in a longwinded, empty speech. Now he’s talking about how we’re not actually losing in Afghanistan.

10:08: “We have to close the prison at Guantamo!” Wasn’t this a campaign promise in 2008? Five SOTUs later and he’s still making promises about closing Guantamo? Does anyone think this is serious a this point?

10:13: Apparently Iran better never build a nuclear bomb, or Obama will write them another strongly worded letter, saying just how angry he is.

Well, that’s all she wrote. I’ve haven’t witnessed such a low key, depressed SOTU for some time. Shannon Watts and Bloomberg got a whole one minute or so of an hour and five minute speech. Yeah, I don’t think the gun control folks have much to celebrate from this.

11 Responses to “Ready for the SOTU?”

  1. RP says:

    I think tipsy live-blogging should be a regular feature.

    • Sebastian says:

      If I can find an occasion to do it again, I will.

    • Arnie says:

      I agree with RP! I didn’t watch the speech on purpose – I usually just catch the media highlights the next morning. Then I read this! Oh man did I laugh! I’m still guffawing over the unicorn thing! I loved this!!! And I don’t even drink! Seriously, you could do stand-up! Please do it again, do it again!!! And soon!!!!! My goodness, I’m shedding tears! Really, this was great!!!! Thank you for uplifting my day! Can’t wait till next year!!!!

      Sincerely (and STILL giggling over that unicorn),

      - Arnie :-D

      • Arnie says:

        Ok, I’m back under control now. I appreciate and agree with all your assessments of the Dictator’s speech. One thing I am upset with the media over is that they keep saying he will bypass the Congress to get things done! What that really means, and what they should report, is that he will bypass the Constitution (and his oath to the same) to cram his agenda down our throats!

        - Arnie

  2. Joe says:

    It sounds like his ’08 campaign all over again. He is simply a piece of crap.

  3. Sebastian says:

    I think the funny thing is, if you go back to the speech which set him on the road to the White House, at the 2004 Democratic National Convention, it is still, even now, after dealing with him for so long, a great speech. It was the speech of his life, I think. He’s never equalled it since, and he didn’t need to. Even I was wondering why they weren’t running him on the ticket instead of John ‘Effin Kerry, who was such an awful candidate he couldn’t even beat George W. Bush.

  4. Thomas says:

    Funny, I thought much the same about congress reaction. An entertaining read, and i believe a fair response.

  5. Jeff O says:

    An entertaining commentary! My only thoughts as I was driving home listening last night were:

    1) Doesn’t this A hole realize he has been in charge for 5 years?
    2) Doesn’t he realize he is responsible for so many failures?

    Then I figured out being president is like playing Atari when I was a kid. Remember how when you lose you first life in the first minute you quickly restart the game and the last game doesn’t count (and hope your brothers and sisters don’t notice)? Kinda like being re-elected…the last four years technically weren’t his; he gets a free restart and hopes we don’t notice!

    • LC Scotty says:

      And, of course when something doesn’t work it’s “the controller’s fault!! I did it right but the controller isn’t working.”

  6. Shawn says:

    And of course the media is swooning over this. MSNBC hosts are orgasming in there seats as they tell us how wonderful he was while attacking any and all people who do not think so and just republicans for not thinking obamas speech was perfect crafted by god himself since to them Obama is a god.. Just read a fact check article and they said every single statement and facts is absolutely true with few in any faults.

    It is to be expected.

  7. Archer says:

    “He’s talking about gun control! ‘I intend to keep trying, with or without congress….’ to shit on our rights as Americans.”

    Didn’t he say earlier: “I have a pen, and I have a phone….”

    My brain heard: “And I’ll use them, in that order.”

    Sign first, ask questions later. Strong-arm or coerce Congress, and ignore and/or bypass them if they won’t cooperate.

    The Bill of Rights isn’t the only part of the Constitution he feels comfortable sh!tting on.

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