search
top

Time for Action!

Bitter and I are on our way back from Arlington, our business with NRA nearly concluded.  I say nearly, because I have considered many of the accusations of my half-hearted devotion to gun rights, and my cowardice in the face of the enemy.  I decided the time for talk was over, so we are traveling back to Pennsylvania with Chris Cox tied up in the back of the car.  It was a bold, but necessary move.

It wasn’t easy.  We tried to get Wayne too, but let me tell you, he might look like he’s getting old, but the guy can still move like the wind.  Bastard got a way.  I managed to take Chris by surprise, though.  Ollie North grabbed me from behind while I was hog tying Cox on the floor.  Ollie was giving me a good bit of trouble until I smashed him over the head with the tray of cucumber hors d’oeuvres that no one was eating.  With Ollie put into a pickle, we managed to get Chris out to the car, and hide him under our Friends of the NRA blanket.  So he wouldn’t make too much noise, we decided it would be best to knock him out cold with the handy NRA Custom Deer Lamp.

Once we get home, he will be held tied up in my basement, and fed on a diet of Old Milwaukee and our Banana Crap Pie, until he finally agrees to our condition that NRA fight the nomination of Eric Holder, no matter how slim the chances of victory, and no matter how great the damage to NRA’s political power.  If that doesn’t work, well, let’s see how you like Keystone Light my friend.  He’ll crack in no time.  This is the new face of the NRA/Blogger relationship.  Kidnappings and crappy beer.  Now they will hear our collective voice.  Let’s all celebrate this new era!

Yes, it’s absolutely a satire of what some folks seem to demand of me.  In truth, I wouldn’t feed that pie or Old Milwaukee to Paul Helmke, let alone Chris Cox.

19 Responses to “Time for Action!”

  1. Mike123 says:

    Hope and Change …….. er Old Mill and Crap Pie. How is our situtation any different now that you got a cox?

    Anywho, can I borrow your cox to twist the arm of Georgia’s Lt. Gov. Obama, er Lt. Gun Banner Cagle? I promise to feed your cox yoo-hoo and some old frozen sCRAPple my mom sent me.

  2. Dod says:

    I think it’s okay to feed a little Old Milwaukee to Helmke. It’s not like he’s covered by the Geneva Convention. :-)

  3. Jim says:

    Figures, NRA Big Wigs didn’t even have a gun to shoot you with during the kidnapping.

  4. tkdkerry says:

    Did Chris help advance gun control in any way??? Did he fail to draw a line and stand his ground and man the bulwarks and lay waste to the enemy?? DId he ? Did he ? Didde didde didde? Then SHOOT HIM SHOOT HIM SHOOT HIM SHOOT HIM SHOOT HIM!!!!!

    WHAT??? YOU LET HIM LIVE?????

    Then you are cowards, not fit to breathe the air of freedom, nor to trod upon the worms whose souls are more full of fire and spines more full of steal than yours. You are a stain upon the legacy of mankind, and you suckle on the teats of kitty-cats.

    How were the hors d’oeuvres?

    LXIX

  5. Breda says:

    Um. This does not bode well for Phoenix. Maybe I should cancel my plans.

  6. Sebastian says:

    Nah… we’ll let him out before then :)

  7. J. Dock says:

    Au contraire, gentle librarian! This makes Phoenix sound MORE AWESOMER.

    If Cox doesn’t crack, maybe I can get you some Pearl Light in a can. Or see if you can scare up some Iron City…

  8. Wolfwood says:

    Bravo, good sir, on a masterful pun in the second paragraph.

  9. Tom says:

    You got the title wrong.

    “Why There Can Be No Peace Between Our Peoples” would be much more appropriate. Then again, it would also be a great title for tkdkerry’s comment if they had titles.

  10. Sebastian says:

    It’s humor. Even MVB’s little song was funny, and that was far more disrespectful than this :)

  11. B Smith says:

    Old Milwaukee and Keystone Light???
    I’d rather be waterboarded.

  12. Bitter says:

    B, The pie is even worse. *shudder*

  13. Tom says:

    “It’s humor. ”

    I suspect some folks say that about blackface too, yet look at what happened when college students did that.

    http://www.wyff4.com/news/10872878/detail.html

    See, there this one group that does the things you do, calling, emailing, and other activism type things. Then there’s this other group who really doesn’t like the first because they see them as violent assholes.

    Mull that one over Mr “why can’t there be unity between our peoples”

  14. George says:

    I got diet coke in my nose….well done!

    I think you may have to make “Kidnappings and crappy beer” your tagline!

  15. Tom says:

    and in case the dots are too hard to connect, you’re making the same argument that racists did to get laws passed against blacks to make sure they weren’t included in society.

  16. HerrBGone says:

    So how much duct tape did you need to hold the trunk shut?

  17. Bitter says:

    I drive an SUV, so we just tossed him in the back. Because the back seats happen to be up, he had plenty of room. No need for duct tape.

top