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Home Improvement With a Gun

No, I’m not talking about that guy who used a .22LR to try to bore a hole in his house for installing a satellite dish, and accidentally shot his wife.  I borrowed my friend Jason’s nail gun to get some last minute baseboards installed in the loft area, where the builders and previous owners have so far neglected to put them.  Baseboards are one of those things I thought were mostly decorative, until you see what happens to drywall when you don’t have them, especially on corners.

After using a nail gun, there’s no way I could ever go back to a hammer.  I’m not sure how civilization made due before the nail gun.   The Amish don’t know what they are missing.  Clearly a barn raising could be done before noon if they adopted this technology, and then they could spend the rest of the day drinking, if the Amish actually drank.   Perhaps this is why they eschew technology, because with all the spare time, what are you going to do?  Drink, and watch TV.  It’s a vicious cycle.

Now we just need to finish the painting in that room, and get Bitter’s stuff put up there, and we’re good to move on to painting the bedroom.  Before too long, I might not feel like I’m living in a warehouse!

10 Responses to “Home Improvement With a Gun”

  1. tal says:

    this is dave barry-esque. very funny.

  2. Mikee says:

    Nailguns are to civilization what stirrups were to the Mongols. Without them, things got done in a competent manner, but with them, GREAT things got done, in double-quick time.

    Now for the meanest thing I could possibly do to you: Ever used a SawzAll ?

    http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0000789HE

    A Sawzall is to the home do-it-yourself-er what ten thousand horsemen with bows were to Ghengis Khan, that is, reason enough to destroy whatever you laid your eyes on. . Get one, go forth and become a destroyer of worlds.

  3. Sebastian says:

    I have used one, yes. But not on this house (yet). But that time is coming, and I anxiously await it.

  4. Laughingdog says:

    The hammer does still serve one purpose. It lets you drive finish driving in the nails that didn’t quite make it all of the way. Since the pressure will always fluctuate a little from nail to nail, you have to either choose to have some drive in a little short, or have some go too far. But that still beats the hell out of having to try to hold the wood in line while driving the first few nails.

    There are a lot of things that I would still be willing to do the old fashioned way. But nailing on shingles or interior trim are not on that list.

  5. RedneckInNY says:

    You know…baseboard goes on just as good with construction adhesive. And it’s much quieter.

    Wait wait wait…you’re using a nail gun to put in baseboard, but made reference to a .22 cal. I hope you’re using a pneumatic or electric nail gun and not one of those Hilti nail guns that actually uses a .22 blank cartridge to drive nails; you’d put the nail right through the wall.

  6. Oh No! says:

    Will nail guns be the next line of attack by the anti-gunners?!?!

    I mean, it’s a *gun*!

  7. Sebastian says:

    Problem with construction adhesive is if you have to remove them for some reason, you end up destroying the drywall when you take them off. I was using a regular pneumatic nail gun.

  8. Funny thing is, the Amish get stuff built a lot faster. An old hotel burned down a year ago in the next town over. They hired the Amish, who worked from sunup to sundown six days a week, and what do you know, in three weeks, it was rebuilt. Contrast that with the Geisinger med center just down the road they started building over a year ago, and won’t be done (last date, I’m sure it will get pushed back several more times) by January. Honestly, we can’t figure out when these people work. Never on Fridays (weekends? Ha!), nor on most weekdays. It’s a mystery. You’d think they’d at least park construction vehicles there to make it look like somebody’s on site, but no, they don’t even bother to do that.

    Like I said, it’s not a right to work state.

  9. RobertG in Arizona says:

    Be careful with that SawsAll. My wife told me to get her something we could both use for our Anniversary so I bought her a SawsAll. She used it first. On my Bass Boat. Mongols and Ghengis Khan my as$. Now I am afraid to get a nail gun.

  10. What makes you think the Amish don’t drink?

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